I want to stay here for longer.. or may be don’t want to go back ever. Not because I like it here, but probably I have no good reason to go back. Yes, and, of all the things that hurt me – this realization tops the list.
Am I making it too hard for myself? But I should react when I feel bad – I guess. I must not behave in the most ideal ways for the sake of making others feel good all the time – even though this feeling gives me a lasting pleasure contradictorily. Think of this as a long term satisfaction- expectations are the last things to keep with oneself.. so I should not be feeling bad? I should feel that I am meant to live alone as I came in the world with no friends, no possessions, no money, no want of love… (This shows how desperately I am in want of all this)