joy or pain

Will in heaven or on earth I ever get the pleasure of bending down at your feet on my very own will?

This feeling of surrender before you seems more elating and exhilarating than of the victory over the world;

In my dreams I dream of dreaming about you for in reality I cannot dare to dream of that intense feeling of deep satisfaction that comes in your proximity;

I know I am not fortunate enough to go through the pain of your rejection- of our separation;

For this pain seems to be the warmest feeling I have ever had for I know even in your rejection there persists a sense of belongingness;

(How can one reject something without ever owning it – I snap this question on your face)

For you’d consider me your part only for one flash of a moment and reject for the rest of your life, satiates all my thirst;

(I know you know I am only longing for the simplest -and as they call it the most difficult – love but no lust)

And since I know this is all a matter of merry and play now, I don’t want to be blessed with the joy of pain of your rejection;

For that pain has increased so much that it is now running along with my blood through my all veins, making me almost forgotten about it;

It brings me to a state unknown- of joy or of sorrow or of joy of sorrow – I’m not even sure- so I leave it to you;

I am standing there where you left me and that is where you found me;

For your mere presence around me fills me up with unparalleled ecstasy and though my existence seems to disappear before yours, it gets more and more meaning in all meaningless things of this world;

I would not make any attempts to come any closer, to go any farther, I would only long to long for you

I would only dream to dream of you;

(And I would love to love you)

Will in heaven or on earth I ever get the pleasure of bending down at you?

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